he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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