There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
