my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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