um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
