There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
