I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
