You just made me feel so damn special
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize
