found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
