Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Randomize
