Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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