Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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