I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
