Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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