we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
