I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
