I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
