I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
