I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
My liver just broke up with me...
im holly from the hills drunk
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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