i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
