Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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