idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
