I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
