the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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