Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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