hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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