apparently the secret to your success is patron
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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