he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
