guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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