guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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