she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
