the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
