who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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