Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
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