Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
