look no pants
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
