He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
