How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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