Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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