I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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