Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
