At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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