I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
