the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
