I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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