he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Randomize
