Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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