You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
