I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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