My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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