Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
handjob tips. give me some.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
