well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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