i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
