what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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