There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
