I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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