This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
