I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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