Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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