i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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