piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
