we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
