I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
