a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize