if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
