Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
