I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
