Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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