Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
