I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
