Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
