K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
So vagazzling was a success
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
