Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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