i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
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