Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
We left the knife in your bed.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
