He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
