There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
