At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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