Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
