I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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