So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
