From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
there is another microwave in the elevator.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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