bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
