i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
