I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
