and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
