before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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