Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
