I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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