Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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