We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
