Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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