Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
