K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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