It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize