he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Too much gin, very little bucket
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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