FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
