He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
