Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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