Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize