I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
