im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
