Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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