Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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