when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Randomize
