I am in a vortex of obligation.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
