i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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