She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
