It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
