Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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