how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
